


What No Other Could Be

by GoodeyeCyborg



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon is a bitch and so am I, Character Death, M/M, There's a fluffy bit or two
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 20:51:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18106238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodeyeCyborg/pseuds/GoodeyeCyborg
Summary: This was made because of a conversation with my gf, the lovely Vanoodle. Anyway this takes place in an AU where Pharma ended up with the DJD. This is, however, unrelated to the Can I Get A Medic?-verse. Anyway, I hope you like it, cuz there might be more.





	What No Other Could Be

Seeing Tarn’s still frame still didn’t convince Pharma he was gone. It didn’t seem possible. The mech had always been such an imposing, hulking, reassuring presence. To see him on the ground, surrounded by other corpses and wilting flowers didn’t seem right.  He’d laugh and pull his medic in for a hug. He’d say something stupid about someone like Megatron not being able to kill him. An ache throbbed in his chest as the scope of what had happened began to wash over him. It wasn’t a wave, crashing and violent, the way that those tragic poems made it sound. It was a tide, steadily rising and filling his chest whether he liked it or not. 

This couldn’t be real. They had had plans. Tarn was going to disband the DJD, but they were all going to travel together. There was no point in hunting down traitors, after all, the Cause wasn’t really a factor any more. It was as dead as the mech’s at Pharma’s feet. The only thing standing between the DJD and closure was one mech. All they had to do was kill Megatron. It was so simple. They had everything on their side. 

And yet…

And yet here Tarn was, frame gray, optics dark. It was so wrong. It was wrong that he couldn’t transform anymore. Or listen to his operas that were far too dramatic for Pharma’s tastes. Or read poetry. He couldn’t talk at length about the true meaning of the Cause and freedom and all those other things Tarn loved to talk about. Above all, it was wrong that he couldn’t sit up and take Pharma’s hand. The hands that Tarn had found for him. It was wrong that he would never get to do that ever again. 

Pharma lowered himself beside Tarn. Desperately he ran his hands over the grey husk in front of him. There had to be some sign of life. A small part of the frame that was still living that he could latch onto. His throat ached with the sobs he refused to allow to leave. If he started mourning now, he would never stop. It would be okay. Obviously. What was the point of being the most skilled Cybertronian doctor if he couldn’t even bring Tarn back? 

There was nothing on the surface. Nothing that was still living. No. That wasn’t true, was it? Nothing on the outside was still living. There was one last place he could look. One last single beacon of hope, which he prayed was still shining.

He darkened his optics and took a long vent. A moment to steady his hands. A moment to steady his nerves. He sat up a little straighter and positioned himself with his hands on Tarn’s chest plates. The biolights that had once shone beautifully in the dark of their shared bedroom had gone out just like Tarn’s optics. They would shine again if he had anything to say about it. He’d be able to kiss them again and tell Tarn how beautiful they were. His fingertips dug into the seam down the middle of Tarn’s chest and tugged them open to reveal his spark chamber. Another slow vent before he looked down. 

Nothing. 

None of the pulsing light that was supposed to always be there. The light that was everything that Tarn ever had been and all he was ever going to be.  

He was gone. 

The tide of grief in his chest rose faster. This must be what it meant to drown. It had been slow and now he was submerged and unable to reach the surface. 

Pharma’s hands shook as they never had before. He fell back to the ground. It was wrong. Tarn was gone and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. He stared at the grey frame before him, not really taking it in, his mind static. It was real. It was all far too real. The world itself went out of focus around them and all there was was Tarn’s frame, coming into sharp focus. Cold, empty, a testament to a future that would never be. Everything they had planned, the lifetime they were to have together all came crashing down around him. 

“I’m sorry.” His voice broke as the words rose from his throat. The sounded like they came from someone else. This weak, broken, thing couldn’t be his voice. “I’m so sorry Tarn.” Clumsily, he reached out and gripped Tarn’s hand in both of his. He pressed his lips to the back of Tarn’s far too cold hand. Eventually he was going to have to close Tarn’s chest but that was far too final. Closing up his chest and separating the chamber that once held the spark he loved so much from him and the rest of the world seemed cruel. As if he were shutting Tarn away. Isolating him. 

He pressed his own form close to Tarn’s. Feeling his lover’s frame so cold compelled him to warm it. He couldn’t let Tarn freeze. He laid his cheek on Tarn’s open chestplate, peering at his lifeless face.

Not long ago at all, they had laid like this. Tarn had been telling him about meeting with Deathsaurus. 

 

_ “You would not believe him! He and his whole… group or whatever they call themselves, think they’re better than the rest of us.”  _

_ Pharma had snorted and pressed a gentle kiss to the biolight closest to his mouth. “Oh? Did he elaborate?”  _

_ “He didn’t need to.” Tarn’s hand came to rest on his cheek. “Its because they left before we did. Because he never really had any faith in Megatron. As if that makes their previous actions honorable.”  _

_ Pharma leaned into that gentle touch. “He did agree to help you though, did he not?”  _

_ “Of course he did. He may be a pompous ass, but he’s not stupid.”  _

_ Pharma sat up and leaned in to kiss Tarn. Their lips met with a practiced ease. “Then everything will be just fine. You’ll come back to me, won’t you?” _

_ “Of course.”  _

_ “You promise?”  _

_ “Pharma…”  _

_ “I mean it. Promise you’ll come back. Megatron hasn’t survived this wrong by being easy to kill and- and I know its probably just the medic in me, but I’m nervous.”  _

_ Tarn sighed and smiled softly. He placed a gentle kiss to Pharma’s forehead. “Alright then. If it will ease your worries, I will promise.”  _

_ With that Pharma had kissed him again. “Thank you. Shall we rest, or shall I help you get some of that tension out of your frame?” _

_ “Heh what did you have in mind?”  _

 

Pharma gripped Tarn’s hand tighter. His optics squeezed shut tight. “You promised! You promised you’d be back! This was supposed to be fine!” A strangled sob managed to escape his throat. It wasn’t just Tarn that was gone. It was his home. The place he’d belonged. Living with the DJD had been awkward at first, but eventually they had come to accept him as a member of the team, and one that they sorely needed. It was nice to finally be treated like someone who mattered. Like a doctor that wasn’t so easy to cast aside to place like Delphi or the Institute. It was something so small on the surface, but it meant the world to him. Nobody there stared at his wings while he patched them up. Sure, Vos had tried to touch them a time or two and yes, he had been jarred out of recharge by Helex standing over him and staring. They got over their distrust of him fairly quickly though. Tarn had said he was important, so they took him at his word. He missed them all but, that was only a dull throb compared to the agony of losing Tarn. 

He was reminded that they had exchanged innermost energon vials not long before this mission. Both vials were still aboard the Tyranny and he was not about to leave Tarn’s side. Not now. Not when the tank’s frame was still so cold. He couldn’t let him freeze. 

And so hours passed. He eventually closed up Tarn’s chest. It wasn’t good bye, that’s what he told himself. It wasn’t forever. The Allspark awaited them both. They would see eachother again. It was his only solace. He’d be joining Tarn soon enough, he was sure. He took his hand again. 

“I miss you already, you know?” He said, voice hoarse from crying. “Heh I never would have thought we’d end up together. Not after the way we met. I suppose it doesn’t matter though. God, I was so nervous about the Ritus. What I would tell you… I mean, you and I have already seen each other in a pretty bad light and still fell for each other.” A smile managed to crease his lips. “I was working on a tcog for you, for the proferance bit. One that wouldn’t burn out.” His voice cracked, “Suppose you won’t need it… I- I’m going to miss you. I’m so sorry. I should have been here to help you. We could have gotten you out of here alive. If not, at least we’d be together.” He took a deep, steadying vent. “I loved you, Tarn. I loved you so much. Still do. You’ll find me right? When I get where you are? It’d be an empty afterlife without you.” 

Pharma let his optics go offline. He hoped against hope that he wouldn’t have to open them again, but he knew better. He’d open them, and again, the weight of Tarn’s absence would crush him. But for a couple of hours, he could escape. Just for a couple hours though. 


End file.
